*Disclaimer: This is a more sentimental and pretty personal blog post compared to what I usually write, it's also kind of long. So if you're not into lengthy mushy blogs, then now would be a good time to stop reading... ;)
Most of you know by now that I am pregnant, but a lot of you don't really know about how it all came to be. (No, this is not a talk about the "birds and the bees", your parents will tell you about that when you're older ;).
This is my personal story about my struggle to become pregnant and how Rob and I finally found out we were going to be bringing a child into this world.
A lot of you that know me well, know that when I got married, having children was the farthest thing from my mind. The thought of having kids at that time in my life was almost a little depressing. For me, it felt like I would be closing a door to my past that I was not yet ready to close and starting a chapter in my life that, at the time, felt like the beginning of the end. Now I know a lot of you are probably thinking that that's a terrible way to think about kids, but let me explain. I got married at 23, an age I never thought I'd be married at. I always saw myself getting married a little older, like 25 at the earliest, but when Rob asked me, I knew it was right and he was the right guy for me so I didn't see a point in waiting. However, because I was getting married younger than I thought I would, I was nowhere near ready to have kids. I wanted to enjoy being young, enjoy married life and for some reason the thought of having kids at that time seemed like a giant weight that would be holding me down and that the sooner I had kids the sooner I would be getting older. It may not make sense to you but it made sense to me and it's really the only way I know how to explain it.
Then, after being happily married for 2 years, and having been all over the country and even to different parts of the world together, something changed. Rob and I had accomplished so much in our first two years, we'd bought and sold our first home, honeymooned in Puerto Rico, celebrated Valentine's Day in Mexico, our Anniversaries in Vegas, Italy and Switzerland, spent birthdays in California and done all kinds of wonderful things together as a couple. Then one day, almost over night, I felt the overwhelming desire to start a family. I started to feel like there should be something more. That Rob and I needed to start sharing our lives with not just each other, but with a family of our own. I wanted children I could teach, and share experiences with.
So, in June of 2009, we decided to start trying to have kids.
For some reason, growing up, I always felt like it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. I don't know why, I never had any complications or diagnosis early in my life that would suggest that, I just always had this feeling that it wouldn't be easy for me. So after months of trying and being unsuccessful, reality started to set in and suddenly my hunch was no longer "just a feeling".
After a year of trying to conceive, I started a long process of tests, and medicines based on nothing more than theories. With everything coming back normal, none of my doctors really knew what was keeping me from getting pregnant. I was constantly being poked and prodded, had some pretty invasive procedures done and was always having to check the calendar, keep track of the time of day, and make sure I didn't miss any of my medications. I was starting to feel like a lab rat with no hope for freedom. Not only was it all pretty physically draining, but everything I was going through was emotionally challenging more than anything. I felt like something was wrong with me, and the frustration of not being able to control my own body began to get the best of me. There were times that I really wondered if I'd be able to have kids at all.
After a year and a half of methods, tests and visits to numerous different doctors, I was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" (I didn't realize that "I don't know" needed a diagnosis). So in December I was sent to the Center for Reproduction Medicine at the University of Utah where we would decide what the next and best step would be. The different fertility processes started with manual insemination and went up to in vitro and ranged from $350 to $10,000. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly the most exciting road to have to be taking. Once we decided what step we were going to take, the waiting game started. I couldn't start the process until my next cycle, which was supposed to be in about a week or so...
On Christmas Eve we were still waiting...
Then, on December 25th, 2011, Christmas morning, after being "late" for the first time ever, I took a pregnancy test and Rob and I found out we were finally going to be parents. I never had to start any of the expensive procedures, I wasn't on any medication at the time and I had given up watching the calendar. After over a year and a half, somehow, it all just happened on it's own, and according to my doctors I had a 0-5% chance of getting pregnant on my own. We couldn't be more grateful.
I know there are some of you that can relate to this post and I personally know people who have had similar and greater struggles than I have to get pregnant. I'm not trying to compare my story to anyone else's or say that what I went through was harder than anyone's personal struggle. I just wanted to share my journey of patience, faith and gratitude. Rob and I feel so blessed in so many ways and are so grateful for all the support we've received from friends and family.
We are so excited to be parents and I personally am looking forward to seeing how good of a dad I know Rob is going to be. He's already so cute about it, every morning when he leaves for work, he kisses me goodbye, then leans down and kisses my tummy.
I'm 13 weeks today and hardly showing. Here are some photos of my tummy, the first taken when I was 11 weeks, and the second were taken today. Not much of a difference but everyone has been so anxious to see my "bump' that I thought I'd prove that there really isn't much to show....yet.
I've had 3 ultrasounds and heard the baby's heartbeat 3 separate times now. I'm super anxious to find out what it is, but have to wait til the end of March for that. But don't worry, I'll keep everyone posted. :)